anti-fit
Looks are important – guys. Well at least looking your best - being presentable.
I realized recently that I was in a sartorial rut. My wardrobe was getting a little thin - anorexic to be honest.
I decided to up my game & buy a new pair of jeans – baby steps, baby steps.
Went to the shop; picked my size. For once they’re too big. Great - I thought - must be losing weight. The low-food, high alcohol diet is finally working!. You know – only liquid cards after 5pm? Truth be told you don’t actually lose weight but by 7pm you’re so pissed you’ve forgotten you’re a fat bastard – so on paper, we’re fine.
Result!! I’ve finally stopped the rot. My identity as an adolescent trapped in a decaying, increasingly corpulent middle-aged body is no longer to be challenged on a daily basis by the immediate physical evidence mercilessly beamed back at me by the, oh so indifferent arbiter that is - my bedroom mirror.
I have beaten the fates.
I am a time lord.
I am a GOD!
I AM IMMORTAL!!!
I burst out of the cubicle and do a lap of honor round the store. I stop to catch my breath. Awww, I’m in my pants. Back into the cubicle & on with my original trousers. Another lap of honor & end up at the counter.
“My man. I like these jeans but this size is way too large. Might I not have them 1 size smaller – possibly 2?”
He look at me - puzzled. “Naw man. There’s only one size guy. They’re raj man. They’re real. They’re true. They’re fly bro. Baggy is the new skin tight geez. These are ANTI-fit…
What the hell is - anti-fit? Wayne Rooney is anti-fit; Jade is anti-fit… Jordan is – fuckin – anti- fit; NOT my over-sized and – quite frankly – mis-shapen denim trousers. Piiiiiiisssss Offfff!
Bottom line – these guys have our number man. They SAVE money by producing single-sized, raggedy assed pieces of shit which – DON’T FIT!
We SEEK OUT the aforementioned single-sized, raggedy assed pieces of shit and pay a PREMIUM for them BECAUSE - they DON’T FIT!.
Anti-fit. Anti-sense man.
Bought them anyway. Hey, they’re cool.
Paid for them in monopoly money.
Guy objected. I said hey bro, it’s cool – it’s dosh , it’s moolah, , it’s COUNTER-fit – fuck u.
Laters.
- sisyphus 2005
I realized recently that I was in a sartorial rut. My wardrobe was getting a little thin - anorexic to be honest.
I decided to up my game & buy a new pair of jeans – baby steps, baby steps.
Went to the shop; picked my size. For once they’re too big. Great - I thought - must be losing weight. The low-food, high alcohol diet is finally working!. You know – only liquid cards after 5pm? Truth be told you don’t actually lose weight but by 7pm you’re so pissed you’ve forgotten you’re a fat bastard – so on paper, we’re fine.
Result!! I’ve finally stopped the rot. My identity as an adolescent trapped in a decaying, increasingly corpulent middle-aged body is no longer to be challenged on a daily basis by the immediate physical evidence mercilessly beamed back at me by the, oh so indifferent arbiter that is - my bedroom mirror.
I have beaten the fates.
I am a time lord.
I am a GOD!
I AM IMMORTAL!!!
I burst out of the cubicle and do a lap of honor round the store. I stop to catch my breath. Awww, I’m in my pants. Back into the cubicle & on with my original trousers. Another lap of honor & end up at the counter.
“My man. I like these jeans but this size is way too large. Might I not have them 1 size smaller – possibly 2?”
He look at me - puzzled. “Naw man. There’s only one size guy. They’re raj man. They’re real. They’re true. They’re fly bro. Baggy is the new skin tight geez. These are ANTI-fit…
What the hell is - anti-fit? Wayne Rooney is anti-fit; Jade is anti-fit… Jordan is – fuckin – anti- fit; NOT my over-sized and – quite frankly – mis-shapen denim trousers. Piiiiiiisssss Offfff!
Bottom line – these guys have our number man. They SAVE money by producing single-sized, raggedy assed pieces of shit which – DON’T FIT!
We SEEK OUT the aforementioned single-sized, raggedy assed pieces of shit and pay a PREMIUM for them BECAUSE - they DON’T FIT!.
Anti-fit. Anti-sense man.
Bought them anyway. Hey, they’re cool.
Paid for them in monopoly money.
Guy objected. I said hey bro, it’s cool – it’s dosh , it’s moolah, , it’s COUNTER-fit – fuck u.
Laters.
- sisyphus 2005
heidless (12:17 am)
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