He was in No Other Place

Cross and Christians, end to end, I examined. He was not on the Cross. I went to the Hindu temple, to the ancient pagoda. In none of them was their any sign. To the uplands of Herat I went, and to Kandahar, I looked. He was not on the heights or in the lowlands. Resolutely, I went to the summit of the fabulous mountain of Kaf. There only was the dwelling of the legendary Anqa bird. I went to the Kaaba of Mecca. He was not there. I asked about him from Avicenna the philosopher. He was beyond the range of Avicenna...I looked into my own heart. In that, his place, I saw him. He was in no other place.

Jalaludin Rumi

The birth of SkyNet

Supercomputer doubles own record: I tuned into this post interested in the technological advance then I realised the use to which it will be put - "maintaining our nation's ageing nuclear stockpile without testing". Necessary? Yes. Frightening? Yes. I'm not even sure I know what that sentence means. On the positive side it seems to indicate that they can eliminate the need for actual nuclear testing but surely this will simply ease the development of newer nuclear weapons thereby increasing their proliferation; the likelyhood of their use and the temptation to do so.

Em, perhaps the solution is to simply stop guys?! That's it - STOP!. Stop developing f*cking bombs and use the same research to focus on generating cheap, reliable energy.

It also seems to indicate that the governments concerned are in a race against the degredation and increasing instability of their own nuclear stockpiles. Nice.

17 years ago I worked on the Joint European Taurus (J.E.T.) Project in partnership with the Centre for European Research Nationale (CERN) - the worlds largest particle physics laboratory. Those were optimistic days where we were working towards the development of fission reactors (like our own sun) as opposed to fusion reactors (splitting atoms -> controlled atomic explosions). I say 'we' which gives me a very nice, participative feeling but in reality I was simply crunching meaningless (to me) numbers.

The problem wasn't creating the fission reaction (hydrogen bomb) the problem was containing the resultant plasmic soup. You can't keep that stuff in a bucket. The solution was an energetic taurus (magnetic dougnut) but unfortunately accessing the energy broke the integrity of the taurus - messy. As far as i know the project has been wound up. Shame.

Co-incidentally, a certain individual called Tim Berners Lee was also working at CERN at the time. I'm sure he'll go on to make an impact once he's got his act together ;-)

The concerning thing about the supercomputer piece is the continuing focus on destruction rather than construction in addition to the reliance on software and hardware to model hugely complicated real world scenarios. As they say in N.L.P. "The map is not the territory". Certainly wouldn't want that bugger to blue screen on me - hope they've installed service pack 2.0...

This also taps my paranoic, cinematic conspiracy bone as we are effectively handing control of our nuclear arsenals to immensely powerful computers. Ahh, theme tune kicking in, schizoid isolation and suspicion ramping up, modestly crouched naked figure (Cert12) materialising from a sparking singularity in the waste ground across the way - game on - marvellous.

Seeing as I'm on a scientific paranoid kick:

Red Planet comes close to earth

Mars is swinging by to pay us a visit coupled with increased dust storm activity.

"No-one would have believed in the last years of the 19th century that human affairs were being watch from the timeless worlds of space. No-one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinised as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets. And yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours, regarded this earth with envious eyes and slowly and surely they drew their plans against us." The War of the Worlds, H.G.Wells

Sleep tight...

Bush: and what rough beast [...] slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

There is a tremendous outpouring of glee in the liberal press as the house that Bush built starts to crumble.

While I also feel the relief that the hugely reported truths of Bush's incompetence, corruption and duplicity are seeping into the mainstream I remain somewhat paranioac of the consequences.

My concern is what would replace the incumbents if it all did come tumbling down.

The P.N.A.C. tumour has metasticised and is aggresively eating the lungs out of America. What remains is a fragile husk. The patient is choking. What to do? Do nothing and the patient suffers a slow lingering death. Reach down the patient's throat to clear the blockage and you're as likely to end up with a handful of lung-pulp as you are to revive the patient.

The events of the past few years have served to fundamentally destroy whatever trust in democratic government remained after the rape and pillage of the Thatcher/Reagan years.

The Bush/Blair circle wank over Iraq has made abject cynicism the norm and primed us for the more draconian alternatives. We are now habitually living in a state of fear. The, I believe, state facilitated terrorist atrocities in the west's major cities have served to loosen our grip on our personal freedoms.

Why on earth would the state facilitate these horrors? There is a parallel with organised crime. If you want to get to the true source of the crime follow the money. With politics: if you want to get to the true instigators of an event/policy follow the power - who benefits?

Bush benefitted hugely from 9/11.

Bush Co. has benefitted to the tune of billions through the criminally false justification for the Iraq mayhem. In addition he now has The War Against Terror (T.W.A.T). The Orwellian excuse of being at war excuses incompetent financial management and the further tapping into the veins of the ailing patient America. It justifies the illegal imprisonment of innocents and makes the results of interrogation by torture admissible in court. It provides a smokescreen for the disembowelling of a nation for private profit. All this of course in addition to distracting from the fact that his first election victory was actually a coup d'etat by stealth.

Bush Co benefitted from Katrina through the no-bid rebuilding contracts going to crony firms - primarily Halliburton subsiduaries. They may not have launched Katrina but they delayed the aid effort and, now that the city has been ethnically cleansed of its lower strata, it will make for extremely profitable real estate upon re-construction. Now who do you think will end up profitting from that bonanza?

Note that I said that Bush Co benefitted - not necessarily Bush himself. He is simply the figurehead.

The powers that installed Bush are moving on and Bush is going down. At the very least he will have had to make extreme concessions to keep his arse farting into the Oval seat of power.

My fear is his exit strategy should he be cornered.

In my experience it's the little men you have to watch out for. Those with heart, integrity and a clear agenda may be your enemies but there can remain a mutual bond of honour arching across the divide. The little men on the other hand have neither heart nor integrity and their agendas and loyalities will turn on a dime if it serves them well.

I don't think anyone could describe the numbskull Bush as anything other than a little man.

My worry would be that he and his cabal may attempt to instigate an extreme diversion to prolong his tenure and finish their 'work of ages'. How does Bird Flu finally mutating into a human to human communicable virus sound? It's easily done. How does a nuclear strike on Israel blamed on Iran and thereby justifying the invasion of that country sound? It doesn't have to be a big strike and they could use Israel's own (illegal) stockpile of nuclear weapons.

Either of these events could serve as a justification to instigate martial law. Then all bets are off; all investigations are suspended and Bush Co finally have the carte blanche dictatorship that the have been working towards.

My fear is that this will happen anyway regardless of Bush's survival or not. The agenda will continue remorselessly on while we are distracted by the (justifiable) blood lust of his destruction.

If Bush goes he will be replaced by more of the same, wearing different colours but controlled by the same scum, following the same fascist, world govenment agenda and the general populace will more than likely hail his replacement as a saviour.

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" W.B.Yeats. The Second Coming

spreading my calvinist seed

Today's been a long one.

Got up at 06:30 to get myself together for an out of town corporate. Job was for a huge building concern looking to recruit some branch managers. I play a poor manager that they have to deal with. Nice gig and I really enjoy working for that particular client as it is totally outwith my previous work experience. In my previous incarnation as a computing wage-slave my first job was with Sun Microsystems for five years and then five years working for investment banks in the city. It was a totally different environment to working with an organisation focused on providing and maintaining social housing. All great character experience.

I did my job well but unfortunately the candidates were poor. Well, I say unfortunately, the longer it takes the more work it is for me. Still, we're there to find the best people and it will take as long as it takes.

That job was done and dusted by midday then it was back into london to film my segment in the sitcom. I was driven to constantly working on the script. For some reason it wasn't sticking. I was also unsure of my character and my delivery. Not a particularly great place to be.

Got on set an hour before call time and sussed out the environment. Good team of folk. There was at least fifteen of them of varying experiences - mostly early to mid twenties. They were all very relaxed and professional and although they were significantly behind schedule no-one was panicking and they were concentrating on getting the job done properly.

I spent the next two hours line bashing in the kitchen and that was ideal for me to cement the lines.

I finally got the call to set and basically went in there and delivered. There were no real problems with lines and my character was as rehearsed. So, in terms of them getting what they needed I hit the marks no problem.

I did however learn a few things (or at least was reminded of a number of things):

- know you're lines!!!!! forwards; backwards; sideways; ALL ways. I think I may have done too much theatre. I think I subconsciously demean film to some degree. WRONG!

In a theatre run, learning lines is like planting a field of seeds. It is very hard work but you are rewarded throughout the run of the play as those seeds root, sprout, grow, mature and take on their own life. So while your lines may be a little insecure you can be confident that you can nurture them as time progresses.

With film however the environment does not facilitate this process.. The lines need to be delivered full grown. You will be delivering some lines just once! At most you will be delivering the same lines a few times for different takes but as soon as they're delivered you're on to the next set. The lines; character and delivery need to be delivered fully matured. You need to be able to have gone through the full learning curve on your own and to walk on set with the confidence you would have achieved after a six month play run.

The lead female on the shoot is very good and totally secure in her lines. It was no surprise to discover that she trained at R.S.A.M.D. An excellent school with a strong emphasis on the practicalities and craft of acting. I really regret not going their early on in my life. Well, at least I regret missing out on that training and not necessarily on the life experience that Came with the path I took.

- know your tics!!! : I have a very unclear 'filmic' sense of myself. While I believe that i am doing a good job and the feedback agrees with this I cannot know what this means. I also have a very limited physical vocabulary and that which I do have is attuned to theatre.

I feel that the character I delivered today was basically me with funny lines. Nothing wrong with that - hey, I'm a witty guy don't you know!? - but it wasn't by choice but by default. If I had another shoot tomorrow it would be the same. While working on the script in the kitchen I was managing to break out vocally taking on appropriate accents and intonations but when I got on set I immediately snapped back into my saftey zone. Same old rythms; same old accent. I do believe that part of me still suffers from that bloody scottish calvanist dis-approval of showing off - damn fool!

It's good that I've spotted it. Perhaps a good way to solve this limitation would be to develop an extreme character based stand-up set to blast me out of my comfort zone. Develop an extreme set of characters. Develop in-depth life histories and derive the comedy from their own inner truth.

Hey! That sounds like a plan...

By the end of the shoot I was relaxed and enjoying the experience and then with a flash it was all over. My scenes were shot and they needed to get on with rest. I realised that I had actually had a great time and was really happy to be back on a film set. Felt a little emotional; tried to avoid the long goodbye and left.

My job was done.

Michael Keaton to play The Joker

Michael Keaton to play The Joker

Rather delicious rumour from the guys at The Movie Blog

sitcom 'a'now'now

We had rehearsals for the sitcom pilot today.

My part is one of those small but perfectly formed beasties. I've got two scenes. It turned out that I'd been a little lazy working on it and the lines were not as secure as they should have been to allow us to work the scenes. Given that it went very well. We managed to develop my character and integrate it nicely into the piece so I'm now clear on what's required.

It's all very well kind-of knowing the script but comedy is about precision. Making youself laugh is a good start but you need to distill the minutiae that actually made it funny into a communicatable form - you may not necessarily be able to write it down or even describe it but when you find it you know.

Coincidentally working with a good acting chum. We met on a three-handed corporate tour of Asia. Ten days travelling to Singapore, Malaysia, Tai Pei and Hong Kong. He's a lovely guy and a very good actor. I can really see him taking off if he could just get the break. Same for us all I suppose. He put me up for a nice little promotional film a couple of weeks back. Sweet gig. A nice bit of pocket money for half an hours work.

Tomorrow should be another good acting day. I'll be working on a corporate out of town in the morning and then I'll be returning to shoot my sitcom scenes in the afternoon. Very nice. I should also have time on the corporate to really cement what I want to achieve on the shoot.

Getting exited now.

Also, I've been offered a stand-up gig in early november and I accepted. It's been almost a year since my last stand-up gig and it's about time I got back in the saddle. I need to totally re-write the set but I reckon that I'll use this as impetus to take it more seriously and start to develop my comedy writing and performance.

a catalonian glimmer

On Sunday I met up with the producer of my forthcoming outing as a journalist.

Lovely girl. Organised and driven. She seems very focused on what she's doing and I got a very nice vibe about the whole project. It was inspiring to see someone just getting out there and organising their own thing. No permission given and none asked. Just do it.

Another actor was also there and we got on very well. She is a very well spoken older lady with a devlish sense of humour - reckon it'll be a hoot working with her.

The project is in partnership with Catalonian arts organisations - specifically based in Barcelona. I love Barcelona and it would be amazing to tour there. Perhaps i should start to get to grips with Spanish?!

Okay, that's probably running too early but the project does seem to be very professionally organised and a good networker so it'll be worth investing time and effort.

Looking forward to it.

pssst! wanna buy a shovel? death by ironmongery

The act of acting is the easiest aspect of the profession.

Writers write and Actors act. If you are not: preparing for a performance; giving a performance; recovering from a performance you are not an actor. Only you can define what the preparation, gift and recovery involve but your conscience knows when it is not related to acting.

The very fact that acting is so poorly rewarded, un-structured and vocational leads to our draconian self-punishment.

Normal occupations demand a specific amount of work from us in return for specific compensation. We know when we have done enough. We know when we are hitting the target. We know when what we are delivering is sufficient.

The vocation of acting demands nothing, but requires everything. If we gave up tomorrow it would neither know nor care. There are no generic targets. With no targets there are no hits. With no hits there is no 'sufficient'. With no 'sufficient' we can never do enough. We are always one pick-axe strike from striking it rich. We are always on the lookout for any tool, any crutch, any magic bullet which will give us the edge.

This makes us vulnerable to the ironmongers.

To explain: During the Gold Rush the people who became millionaires were not the wide-eyed prospectors but those who sold them the shovels. That's right, the true millionaires were the ironmongers and, as the prospector's journey was often a one way ticket, the quality of tools and equipment was frequently both criminally and fatally poor.

The world of acting is bursting with parasitical ironmongers predating on our hopes and dreams.

Hundreds of drama schools claim to be able to turn you into a star while intoning the litany of the myth-od and spurting thousands of ill-prepared aspirants up the industry's grungy fallopian tubes. Inumerable agents will sign you up, take whatever disguised fee they demand ("for photographs, web-site admin and our time you understand my pretty") and then, having done nothing to promote you, bleed you of the 20% that is their 'right' on work you secure yourself. Thousands of coaches, stylists, photographers, webmasters, casting services, WHATEVER are circling the shoals of aspirants happily nibbling lumps off us at their leisure.

All of the above ironmongers have one thing in common.

Their success and continued existence is not dependent on your success.

In our vulnerability; naivety; willing ignorance; stupidity we desperately want to believe that they have our best interests at heart. Wake up! They are not you family. They are not your friends. Their primary loyalty is to themselves and their pocket-books.

In fact, the longer you believe that you need support, representation, moulding, permission-to-exist the better it is for them. To take it even further - their interests are best served by keeping us just this side of failure. Okay, they do provide us with a life jacket but they control its inflation and somehow we just keep bobbing under reminding us of who has the power.

Now the shovel was a vital piece of kit. The solution to the problem of charlatan ironmongers was not to do without it entirely. The solution was to ensure that you had the right shovel of sufficient quality from a reputable source and the knowledge of how and where to wield it.

Tools are essential but peripheral. It all comes from you.

parasitical networking

I received a call this afternoon offering me the part of a journalist in a new play. Nice one. I'd been recommended by a former colleague.

My initial exitement was somewhat quelled when it emerged that it was an unpaid reading and that we'd only be doing a segment of the piece.

The group seem professional and reasonably well connected. The directors involved appear to be a few rungs further up the food chain so I may be able to benefit from parasitical (symbiotic?) networking. The gig will take place in Cambridge. I toured there earlier this year and really liked the place and so I'm very happy to return.

Will call them tomorrow and let them know I'll do it. Only fear is that it turns out to conflict with money work but hell, who becomes an actor to get rich...

accented silence

I went for that audition this afternoon and was feeling pretty bullish. I'd worked on the RP accent (my natural accent is glasgow) . No real problem. I had initially knocked this project back when A.Gent sent me the script. Smallish part and just another small film that no-one will ever see.

However, A.Gent got back to me saying that it would: be a good networker; that the casting agent was good to know and that the lead guy is a happening french actor whom it would be good to associate with. Okay, okay, i'll do it aleady! I am always happy to take advice. He must see some long-term benefit in it as it's unpaid.

The venue was changed at last minute to the casting director's home. Fair enough. However, it was a pretty remote location. It was well within the metropolis but in london remote does not necessarily mean distant - just inaccessible. Thankfully got there in time.

I rang the bell and was buzzed in. I was greeted by a slightly boss eyed individual who turned out to be TheMan. He was nice enough. However it was slightly disconcerting when talking to him as he appeared to be staring at someone over my shoulder triggering the urge to look around at who was there. Perhaps he sees dead people. The writer was also in attendance and was friendly enough.

The script requires my character to utter two words. For the audition they had composed an expanded script but still barely 5 lines. I proceeded to visualise and enact the scenario at which point TheMan's doorbell proceeded to ring (3 times) and TheMan's mobile (1 time) and TheMan's home telephone (1 time) - all of which he had to deal with as he did not have anyone acting as a receptionist. Consequently there were numerous false starts. I blanked the chaos and think I did well although I'm not so convinced that my audience remained similarly focused. I ran through it in both my natural accent and RP.

"We should know by monday. Thanks for coming." I left.

There was no attempt to sell the project to me. There was no expansion on the anticipated commitment or logistics. Now either I have totally fucked it or they are simply assuming that I will do it if they deign to cast me. Have to confess to being a little confused as A.Gent had led me to believe that I was their first choice prior to their actually meeting me.

So, who knows. Not particularly bothered either way but just feel somewhat under-informed.

Classic "Catchphrase" blooper

i do like a bit of intellectual humour.

"Catchphrase" Blooper

Video of Bush

Video of George W Bush on the morning of 9/11 - sorry to disappoint the pornsters.

">>> This footage, obtained and presented exclusively by Russ Kick at The Memory Hole, shows President Bush sitting in a Florida classroom for 5 minutes after he was told that the second Twin Tower has been hit and that America was being attacked. "

We've all heard about it and may even recall having seen it at the time but to actually experience the 5mins of impotence as Bush sits there reading his childrens book is horrifying. To think this brainless, corrupt incompetent is the most powerful man on earth is terrifying.

America - you must be ashamed.

Just when you thought it was safe - English accent required

Typical. I'd spent the entire morning getting a grip with some paper work and was planning a veg afternoon and my agent calls with an audition.

- well connected director : ain't they all
- playing a dad : seems to be the way it's going - that and policemen
- no money : do i look surprised?
- seeing other's but you're the favourite : if you don't get it you've really f*cked it
- english accent required : aaaaaggghh!

Now i know that my job is characters and that accents are part of that but i do find accents a real chore. Even as i'm writing this I know I'm sounding like a real pussy.

Okay, just get on with it. Now where's that script?

b.t.w. here's a link to an on-line accent resource TheSpeechAccentArchive

Shelley Winters has heart attack

Shelley Winter's Heart Attack

Ex-roommate of Marilyn Monroe

Godmother of Laura Dern.

I first became aware of Ms Winters in the 'The Poseidon Adventure' (1972). Even in her middle age she exuded that old screen presence. She was 52 and you still would - well I would've.

Her first film was 'What a woman' in 1943 and in her entire career she appeared in 130 films. Starting as the inevitable beautiful ingenue she then went on to re-write the script in her later career as she established her unique personality as self-deprecating humorist & raconteur.

I personally can't think of ANY other member of Hollywood royalty who would have taken on the character of Belle Rosen who comically gets stuck in a pipe while trying to swim to freedom within the stricken Poseidon - Respect.

Joan Rivers nukes Darcus Howe after he accuses her of racism

A light-hearted media and social review/discussion program takes a very dark turn when the 'social commentator' Darcus Howe blithely accuses Joan Rivers of racism during BBC 's Midweek programme.

He quickly realises he has stood on a nuclear land-mine as the mighty Joan atomises him; his arguement and his self-delusionary myth.

We like Joan. We like Darcus but here he simply comes over as a self-pitying victim(iser).

NOTE: This programme was broadcast on the 19th Oct 2005 and they provide a rolling archive so as time passes you will have to navigate to the appropriate show - then simply click on 'Listen Again' (listen from about 12min into the programme)

Pierce Brosnan says producers regret their decision already

Pierce, Pierce. Take a deep breath, put your head between your legs and let...it...go... Bless.

Pierce Brosnan say producers regret their decision already

should actors get royalties? - discuss

my immediate reaction to this article (Should Actors Get Royalties?) was horror that the subject is even open to debate. reckon it requires more thought though - particularly in today's uber-media world.

What can't you be arrested for under the terrorism act?

...and so it continues, with the Govt continuing to f*ck for virginity as they 'fight' terrorism - defending freedom by destroying it.

To (roughly) quote Chomsky: "a key way to avoid suffering from terrorism is to stop participating in it."

The question
What can't you be arrested for under the terrorism act?
Lucy Mangan
Tuesday October 18 2005
The Guardian

If an octogenarian can be threatened with arrest for shouting "Nonsense" during a party conference speech or if, as we heard yesterday, a woman can be arrested and detained for walking along a cycle path in Dundee, the implication might seem to be; not much.

To avoid the risk of incarceration, you could try only walking or talking in areas where the act does not apply. Unfortunately, you won't necessarily know where these are. A "designated area" where it is deemed "expedient for the prevention of acts of terrorism" for the police to be able to stop and search people at will is defined by chief constables and authorised by the home secretary without any further judicial or parliamentary input or notification of the public. So you will rarely be alerted to the fact that you are entering an area which has set aside the customary law of the land, including the presumption of innocence.

Then - and this is the really fun part - if you are searched and discovered to be carrying anything the officer thinks could be used in connection with terrorism, you can be arrested. There's a lot of leeway in "could be used in connection with".

"A journalist's notebook with a cabinet minister's name and phone number in it, perhaps," suggests Shami Chakrabarti, director of Liberty. "A bag of sugar could be used as an explosive with other materials. A mobile phone is a potential detonator."

You could try not carrying anything when you go out, but no keys, money or phone may lessen your fun and, anyway, is probably suspicious in itself.

The Home Office offers no comfort. "It's an operational matter for the police force," says a spokeswoman. "It's up to them to act in the context of a situation so it's not for us to rule out X, Y or Z. Taking a dog for a walk in a dockyard - it's up to the police to decide if they pose a risk or not. There are no circumstances where we could say it can't be used."

So there you have it. Your continued existence without falling foul of anti- terrorist legislation depends solely on the limits of an increasingly jittery police force's imagination. Let's be careful out there.

Copyright Guardian Newspapers Limited

high art & speed cameras

turned up early for my BBC job this morning - 4hrs early to be exact. there'd been a bit of a misunderstanding on my part. no disaster though. i wandered around central london boxing off a few chores. bit of banking and bought some manly fingerless gym gloves - more secure in my masculinity now. big weights. grrrr...

composing this sitting in the National Portrait Gallery in front of ' Ulysses deriding Polyphemus' by Turner - not too shabby. Downside of the location is that it is morning and the place is rife with kids. Specifically uniformed kids being herded around by tour guides. The Turner appears to be a prime target. Stayed and listened and actually learned quite a lot. There's certainly a load going on in amongst it's richly coloured fogginess.

Click here to see the the Odyssey inllustrated in the National Galleries paintings.

Bloody noisy place at this time of day. Not a fan of kids but kinda get the need to educate them - if only to get them to shut the f*ck up. I also have and older, overweight bunter child stuffing his fat face to my left and an arrogance of german tourists holding a reunion to my right - ain't life peachy?

The following also caught my eye:


'Salsbury Cathedral form the Meadows' by Constable


'The Haywain' by Constable.

Now, they both exemplify a long-lost English idyll. They are both scenic. And yes, they are both masterful examples of the painters art.

But what jumps out at me is they are both obvious examples of early joy-riding.

In both cases the driver of the cart has clearly lost control and ended up in the river. In both cases they should have been breathalised and i wouldn't be at all surprised if those carts were stolen - you can clealry see that the licence plates have been obscured by straw.

It is of course common knowledged that 'Constable' was a tag adopted by the artist in his youth as he supplemented his meager artist's income by working for the Salsbury police force as a police artist, Traffic camera division.

flu shmooh!

the euphoria of last wednesday swiftly converted into an enervated delirium as flu took hold.

by friday night i was flat-bound and very much on the brink of illness. brinkley feverish, brinkley bed-ridden; brinkley wiped-out but ultimately fine. more a rather intense and spontaneous detox than an illness as such.

emerging from it now and feeling brinkley well.

what's all this worry about bird flu? felt cocky (sorry...) who cares if it hits everyone in the world. can't people handle a bad cold?

then i read descriptions of the symptoms of H5N1: 'the birds affected didn't so much die as melt, blood leaking from every orifice including their eyes...'

suspect i haven't been suffering from flu after all.

"hypochondria doctor!?! don't tell me i've got that as well..."

Pullman attacks Narnia film plans

The Movie Blog: His Dark Materials attacks Chronicles of Narnia

BBC: Pullman attacks Narnia film plans

Sisyphean Book Review - What's My Motivation

What's My Motivation by Michael Simkins

A wonderfully comical book by Mr Simkins chronicling his life as a jobbing actor. Inspiring, cathartic and, if you're an actor, not a little frightening. Goes a long way to shaking us out of our self-indulgent existential isolation. We ain't saving lives here guys and we're here by choice! Enjoy.

Written with superb comic timing and brutal honesty this book really is laugh out loud funny. Simkins seems to have been through most every dignity stripper in the business from 'fowl' skin work as a chicken; thru understudying; to his disembodied head ending up on the cutting room floor.

A joy to read and a reality check in the delusional vortex that is the business of acting.

Sisyphean Book Review - True & False

True & False by David Mamet

An excellent and inspiring book by the great David Mamet. In it he expounds on the doctrine of the true artist. In the process he debunks the fakery of 'method' and takes the art, and particularly the craft, of acting back to its basics.

"...If you decide to become an actor, stick to your decision. The folks you meet in supposed positions of authority--critics, teachers, casting directors--will, in the main, be your intellectual and moral inferiors. They will lack your imagination, which is why they became bureaucrats rather than artists; and they will lack your fortitude, having elected institutional support over a life of self-reliance. They spend their lives learning lessons very different from the ones you learn, and many or most of them will envy you and this envy will express itself as contempt. It's a cheap trick of unhappy people, and if you understand it for what it is, you need not adopt or be overly saddened by their view of you. It is the view of the folks on the verandah talking about the lazy slaves."

Buy it, Borrow it, Steal it. READ IT!

An Annotated History of Character Codes: from Morse to ASCII

URL: An Annotated History of Character Codes, from Mors ...

did I mention that I have a BSc in Computing Science with Honours? ideal preparation for an acting career methinks.

also see Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson. wide ranging re-interpretatio of the history and strategic importance of crypto-analysis.

geektastic!!

w32.alcra.b XP fix

i got hit with this worm. tricky little f*cker.

to get rid follow the instructions at symantec's security response site here

one addition. the worm disabled regedit on my XP box. Start->Run->"regedit" simply pulls up a dead MS-DOS box. this is fixed by creating a renamed copy of regedit. alternatively use the utility provided by Ramesh Srinivisan at ToolsQuit

alternatively simply type the explicit executable name i.e. "regedit.exe" in Start->Run.

b VERY careful editing the registry - BACK IT UP FIRST!!! obviously, i cannot take any responsibility for your tinkering in your own registry.

hope this helps.

keep on walken

tales of the mighty christopher walken here

weapon of choice : the video

acting anecdotes

anecdotage.com : site listing many & varied acting anecdotes

stutterer? : James Earl Jones, the famous stutterer

olivier/hoffman : the classic anecdote

Reality TV 'dents' acting roles

The growing market for reality TV is being blamed for a drop in the number of roles available to actors in the US...full story from BBC

full story from S.A.G.

october head space

a couple of weeks back i was ready to jack this acting malarky in. simultaneously, and consequentially, i was quitting alcohol and generally detoxing my life.

ever since making the decision to get a grip and then following it through i've been on the upward gradient.

physically i've got loads of energy. i'm sleeping better & waking earlier. i'm working out hard and regular and my outlook is positive - not naively trusting, but optimistic.

here's the tools i used to sort myself out:

Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol
Joanna Hall's Carb Curfew Diet
I've gone fully vegetarian
I run approx 25k/week
I circuit train @ gym approx 4 time per week

Feeling energised. Don't miss beer at all.

Key thing artistically is that i find that i am regaining my hunger for the business. It become pretty much apparent that my ambition, belief and confidence is intimately tied to my self-esteem and self-image.

I believe that I am looking better than I have in a long time and have found that this confidence seeps into all aspects of my life. It sounds trivial and perhaps that's why i've denied admitting my shallowness but the fact remains that when I feel unattractive I become a recluse, i back away I avoid people.

I still want to lose weight but i feel that i am still coming across well and i'm keen to get myself out there.

defintiely feel that i've patched the leaky boat and moving onwards & upwards.

a good actor's day

now is this about the day of a good actor or a good day had by an actor. you decide...

at the start of the week i had a good few corporate gigs lined up, a confirmed but uncheduled promo shoot a non-payed feature role to shoot and, to cap itall, i got offered a character role in that sitcom i auditioned for a week or so ago. it looked highly unlikely that they would all merge successfully. however, in keeping with my new positivism i woke early on monday morning and got on with sorting it out. communicated my availability to all concerned and it did indeed fall into place.

corporates going nicely over the week.

yesterday i had a morning at the bbc; a couple of hours break and then that promo shoot i mentioned. varied and fun and i strongly suspect that the promo shoot will lead to additional and greater work. just a vibe. got on really well with the team and felt i gelled with their approach.

will be working on the sitcom character over the next week or so. whether the project succeeds or not it'll be a great experience and i strongly suspect i'll make some great contacts. deep joy.

so, making money; acting and developing character(s). what more could an actor want?

perspectives on the vacationer in chief

there's only one sean connery. who the hell are you?

Ever wish you were someone else?

My first adult career involved working within large american corporations. Within these organisations the individual was (and is) expected to subsume their individuality within the heterogenous corporate culture. That culture may well be fun; it may pay lipservice to the cult of the individual and even co-incide with the individual's ambitions but when it came to any conflict the culture takes precedence.

Remember the scene in Monty Python's 'Life of Brian'. "We are all individuals" shouts Brian homogenously. "I'm not!" responds the only individual in the crowd. Genius.

Within a corporation or any day-to-day job the individual is expected to fulfill a role within the company in exchange for financial reward and hence a degree of security (or not). The focus is on the skills required to fulfill the role and less on the person providing these skills. The skills are almost separate from the individual concerned. There tends to be a large pool of people who could fill any role and consequently there tends to be a certain existential anonymity for the individual in that environment. There is both protection and frustration in this anonymity with the protection usually dominating.

At the opposite extreme is the individual building a career as as actor.

There are many skills required to be able to function as a professional actor but what we are selling can seem to be our very selves. We may market ourselves as the next whomever to provide a mental hook for the public but fundamentally we cannot aspire to be clones.

For example if I was the double of Sean Connery (in his youth thank-you...) then that would probably prevent me from establishing myself as a credible actor. I could aquire some degree of celebrity but it would be capped by the fact that 'we've already got a Sean Connery thank you very much'.

If however I were to put myself forward as the next Sean Connery then we are off and running. Assuming that I can actually deliver that degree of insouciant sexuality and sheer magnetism then those who are interested in casting me have a category within which to place me. Now their primary interest is in what makes me stand out as an individual; what makes me unique.

Both pain & pleasure derive from the fact that perceived success is highly dependent on exploiting your uniqueness.

The pain of rejection is so acute because The Man is rejecting you. Not your skills, as in the normal world . But you. How you look. How you sound. What you represent.

Similarly, the pleasure of acceptance is so intense for exactly the same reason. Only you could fill that role. Only you could express the character. Only you could portray what they are looking for.

Both this pain & this pleasure are false. In the worst situations both you and The Man are colluding to give him powers over your worth as a human being.

Ridiculously we just as often go solo and simply donate our self esteem to the The Man who doesn't want it and is, most often, a personable and capable professional fulfilling a brief . They may be aware of the devastation you are wreaking on your own psyche; they will usually take steps to minimise the stress of a situation (unless effective stress management is part of the brief) but they cannot accept any responsibility for your (di)stress.

Your reactions are your responsibility.

The word 'professional' is key. Let's say that The Man is a Casting Director. The casting director has been engaged by the client to fulfil a specific requirement. If they fail to satisfy that requirement then they fail as a professional (how they then handles that is down to his own self-esteem mgmt). Consequently they have to stand back, remain objective and match your attributes against those detailed in the brief. Viewed negatively this experience can feel as though you are being reduced to a piece of meat at auction.

The solution also lies in professionalism - yours. Without denying Art, you are selling a product. That product is the You that you choose to present. The product is your skills. The product is your appearance. The product are your resources. Note that these are attributes that you aquire, possess or can access. They may seem indistinguishable from your view of yourself but they are not the core you. The you that aquires skills can also lose them without ceasing to be you. The you that looked as you did as a child is still the you as you look now. The you without access to certain finance or contacts remains you. Lonely maybe. Poor maybe. But still you.

The product is separate from yourself and you must develop the maturity to view your product objectively.

You must be able to stand back, matching or (de)emphasising your own attributes against what you know of the brief. You have to understand that there are a huge number of factors involved in the casting process over which you, and even The Man, have no control.

You are both fulfilling you professional roles so you might as well do so in a relaxed, self-respecting atmosphere with love & humor.

That way you both contribute positively to the casting decision. When NO: You are not being rejected - your attributes simply didn't match the brief. When YES: You are not being accepted - your attributes and qualities are. As a professional it is now your job to do whatever is required to ensure that you deliver.

- sisyphus 2005

bush; avian flu & the military option

article documenting bush's plans for a military rather than a medical solution to a pandemic: Influenza pandemic? Let the military take care of it, says Bush.

west side gory

tonight, tonight indeed. west side story trailer

the shining: a feelgood romantic comedy

love this trailer: shining

bush/blair rush to war debunked...

Three Years Ago Today, Bush Misled Us Into War: three year ago the Vacationer in Chief made his first announcement that Sadaam was seeking out Uranium in Africa for his 'active' nuclear weapons program.

click on the title to see a blow by blow demolition of the evil POTUS's justification of his Holy War.

bush is looking increasingly isolated as his corrupt administration abandon ship October 7: The Beginning of CIA Leak Scandal, The Beginning of the End

how fortuitous for him that there are security alerts in the new york subway (based on demonstrably false intelligence: NY mayor defends threat warning) to remind people of how they rely on his protection and how he saw them through 9/11 - an event he facilitated through negligence. we must just hope that he is not desperate enough to actually trigger yet another atrocity to up his approval ratings.

speaking of the iraq invasion : "God told me to do it" apparently (George Bush: God Told me to end tyranny in Iraq). don't we normally suggest sectioning or at least care in the community for those whose 'voices' cause them to commit violence. while i sympathise with those so afflicted i would think twice before given them the television remote control never mind access to the nuclear button.

if that soul-less, anti-evolutionary, christian fundamentalist, terrorist waste of skin is the product of his god's realm then fuck his god and i look forward to surfing the lake of fire.

personally i think satan took over the god franchise long ago.

may his god gather him to his fiery fold soon...

on that, it would appear obvious that his value to the PNAC is pretty much milked out. now notionally he has 3 more years in which to cement his legacy - or at least carve it's headstone. they could continue with him as the puppet figurehead; they could arrange/allow his impeachment or, much simpler, they could arrange/allow his assassination...

the first is unconscionable - but frighteningly possible - he hasn't quite destroyed the toy dad gave him when they stole the first election but he's continuing to work on it. inevitably he is going to be more and more isolated as more and more people realise that the emperor is in fact naked - that the idiot's grin is actually the grin of an idiot - go figure.

the one use he may still have to them is to impose martial law. unfortunately, we have the impending bird flu pandemic which he will attempt to use as an excuse to impose martial law in the states - from which there will be no return.

impeachment would be messy, prolonged and destructive to the true powers behind the throne - we can't have that. there's money to be made.

the latter is the cheapest and best option. suddenly he will become a folksie hero - misguided, yes, but carrying the courage of his convictions. untroubled by intellect or self doubt he would become a totem. it will further serve the PNAC scaremongering as they continue to manufacture, milk and revel in the terror. it will also provide a huge distraction from the consequences of this administrations rape & pillage of their country. btw: i'm not advocating this but it simply seems an obvious consequence and solution of their corporate amorality.

he will not be mourned but what will follow?

the danger is that we will desperately jump at the next least worst solution. to quote W.B. Yeats in The Second Coming : "And what rough beast, it's hour come at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born."

u win some...

s'been a busy week. mon & tues spent screwing my computer head back on. not bad. actually finding even the remote possibility of stability, security, routine & cash a big boost to my self-esteem. it reminds me what it's like to be both capable and valued. brought home how far i'd allowed the business to erode my self-worth.

in addition have happily quit alcohol. this, in addition to quitting smoking a couple of years back; a vegetarian diet and lots of exercise have sent my energy levels through the roof - all good.

3 days corporate work scheduled on wed, thurs & fri.

on accepting the part in the feature i made my availability clear to them. i was expecting a schedule on monday but of course they call on wed saying that they want me on set on thurs & fri - t'was a though i hadn't told them my availability at all. re-explained the situation. they were very amenable but had no recollection & so no contingency. after much smiley to'ing and fro'ing it was sorted. but hey, get the schedule right. s'kinda basic.

but hey-ho, on set tomorrow evening. looking forward to it

got a half-day promo shoot next week which may conflict with some potential corporate acting work. had been assured that the corporate schedule would come through two days ago - nothing yet. i'm beginning to see a pattern here. will hopefully resolve this potential fiasco tomorrow.

all in all my attitude is positive. now that i am no longer relying on 'the business' for my self-worth i can return to enjoying it for what it is - a disfunctional, frantic, self-obsessed, selfishly altruistic bun-fight.

the actor's dog

scientists were investigating whether dogs do in fact reflect the characteristics of their owners and they set up a laboratory to investigate the premise.

firstly, they brought in an architect's dog.

the architect's dog sniffed around the entire space and then, noticing a pile of bones, starting pushing them around and, to the scientists surprise, quickly constructed a fair representation of the eiffel tower.

suitably impressed, they then brought in a mathematician's dog.

the mathematician's dog walked straight up to the eiffel tower shaped pile of bones, stared at it intently and then, to the scientists disappointment knocked it down. however, the dog then began nosing through the bones and within minutes had spelled out pythagoras's famous theorem.

exitedly they then brought in an actor's dog.

the actor's dog immediately fucked the other two dogs; ate all the bones and then asked if it could go home early.

sitcom'a'gogo

up early to work on the script. it's okay but can't say i laughed much. if i'm honest i should have done more character work but bottom line if i'm not right as i am then no big deal.

went along. nice bunch - scarily young. that did explain the script though which thinks it's a little more shocking and radical than it actually is.

read for the part of news anchor. did okay but i'm basically not right for the part. they're looking for a public school fop & i certainly ain't that.

all that said a good bit of comedy did emerge from the reading and it's a reasonable start if we were to workshop it.

also read for a number of supporting roles which i'd prefer. they went very well so who knows. would do it if offerred but not particularly fussed if not.

s'got me thinking though. the one thing that's got these guys off the ground and making their own pilot is their self-belief and action. good luck to them.

coming round to resurecting the stand-up. will have to completely re-write the old set as it is now technically illegal. happy to do so - it was of its time anyway, what was formerly ironic now comes across as hateful.

i work best collaboratively. can i fake that? i'll try writing situations & thoughts as prose. when these are re-visited i can then treat them as stimulus. additionally, i do have a couple of folk i'd love to work with but i'd want to take them the bones of an idea to give them something to work with. a tv pilot is ambitious. i'm quite attracted to including a sketch section in my stand-up - perhaps using chums as plants in audience or perhaps developing a skecth show/section - this could then develop into a radio/broadcast option - wouldn't want to be completely dependent on others though - that wa lies madness. anyway, lots to be getting on with.

right that's it. knackered. went to gym after audition & did 10km run plus workout. all good.

and the winner is...

audition went well. woke relaxed and reasonable refreshed. printed off the sections of script which i was involved in and read them through. basically 1 page of dialogue. just a cameo but hey i'd rather that than nothing.

found the venue easily enough. decent bunch of folk. usual friendly producer type, usual vaguely autistic director type, usual friendly - i'll be directing it really d.o.p. and the usual gaggle of actors whom you don't know if they're auditioning or cast already or merely hanging around.

had been given an old version of the script so pleased i didn't waste time learning it. got new version. scanned it. was introduced to my acting partner and then we're off. easy enough. playing officious bureaucrat - no acting required.

director offered me the part there and then and i'll be liasing with the producer with regard to my availability. nice to be wanted. slight replenishment of the somewhat depleted reservoir of self-esteem - nice.

on way home bumped into an old acting colleague. immediately bragged about getting the part and it equally immediately emerged that he was on his way to audition for the same part - crass. we're both man enough to openly acknowledge the gaff but in retrospect it's fucking obvious that's why he was in the area. anyway, i was up for one of two parts orginally so hopefully he'll get the other - we wouldn't be working together but it would be nice to share credits in the same film.

anyway, off now to polish my bureaucrat.